The philosophy of feeling uncomfertable is simple, all you have to do is put youself in a position uncommon to you that you are not accustomed to dealing with.  I now humbly present to you a list of ten activites garaunteed to make you feel uncomfertable that you can complete at any time in your own home (not a garauntee).

 

1. Sit right where you are and look at your computer screen, continue what you are doing but gradually form the idea that there is someone you don't know standing behind you.  Visualize them fully and convince yourself of their presence.  What ever you do do not turn around, convince yourself they will kill you if you see their face.  Start to imagine their hot breath on your shoulder, try to continue with your normal business for as long as possible, keeping in mind that there is definately someone behind you.

 

2.  Put on clothes as if you were going out on the town, shoes and socks included.  Go in your shower, close the door, and stand there for a moment. Think about how uncomfertable this makes you.

 

3.  Go to your kitchen and open your stove.  Touch the cold coils, this should be difficult as we are conditioned not to do this.  Hold your hand there as long as possible.  If this is not uncomfertable enough turn the oven on, leaving your hand there until you feel physical discomfert.

 

4.  Still in the kitchen, walk over to your microwave. Turn it on for one minute with nothing inside it.  Watch as it microwaves nothing.

 

5.  Now open your pantry, take out an unopened jar of mayonaise.  Open it and stick your hand in it.  It'll probably make you feel quiet unusual.  For maximum discomfert walk around doing your daily household chores with hand still in mayonaise. 

6.  Find a fruit that has a peel/rind that you remove before eating (ex. banana, orange) or take a food and put it in a plastic bag. Drop this item in your garbage.  Wait a full minute, remove it from the garbage, unwrap/unpeel and eat.

 

7.  Sleep on the floor next to your bed rather then on your bed.  Look up at bed with envy as you fall asleep.  Get uncomfertable back pains as a bonus.

 

8.  Record a program on A&E, Discovery, Learning Channel, etc and watch ten minutes of it.  Watch the same ten minutes over and over again, rewinding as necessary, try to memorize it.  Get to the point where you can talk along with the narrator.  Then think about what your doing.

 

9.  If you have a sibling, parent or room mate wait until they're out.  Go into their room and pretend it's yours.  Undress and lie in their bed.  Try to think like them.

 

10.  If all else fails urinate on the floor.

 

I hope you are thoroughly disquieted by the above suggestions, enjoy your discomfert special care of Jesse K and The Book Online! Your number one source for uncomfertability.

 

BONUS: 4 ways to alleviate discomfert

 

1. Take something that doesn't really matter to you, bring it into the middle of the street and smash the hell out of it with a bat or other blunt impliment. 

 

2. Wrap yourself in your bedsheets, watch TV, go on the computer, listen to the comuter, eat, etc. while still wrappen in bedsheets.

 

3. Listen to some good music at as high a volume as you are comfertable with and enjoy listening to it. Drink some hot cocoa.  Think about how comfertable a situation this is.

 

4. If all else fails masturbate