Hi, welcome to HGC, the most successful and revolutionary game company in the world.  As I’m sure you know, we’ve been pursuing you very aggressively.  Sorry about your shoulder.  Now that you’re a valued team member, I’m sure that all will be forgotten.  Let me take you on a little tour of our headquarters and then we’ll talk about the games that you will hopefully be working on for us in the near future.  The room we’re standing in now is the grand foyer.  I’m sure you’ve noticed the impressive fountain; it’s shaped like a bleeding hooker from our break-out hit “Shoot that Shit”.  No, of course it’s not real blood?  Where would we even get that much blood from?  Hey, I notice you checking out that receptionist; don’t be shy about it, all the girls who work here are real lookers.  I’ve got 3 words for you friend, mandatory plastic surgery.  Oh don’t look so worried, it’s just for the women. 

Let’s head on over to the recreational area/café’.  We’ll walk and talk.  In any case I understand that your final project at tech school showed some real promise, something about a clown killing children, how would you feel about working on something like that?  Ironic?  Listen, I’m no dictionary, it’s not my job.  Well, no matter, it’s already in the works.  Ah, here’s the rock wall, it’s very extreme, you notice how all the handholds are shaped like breasts?  Pretty ‘tight’ eh? We here at HGC really like to take care of our employees.  We don’t like to call you that though, I think the word management decided to use was “dudes”.  Here’s our indoor skate park, it’s all very impressive.  Well yeah, of course there are a lot of pictures of naked women around here, haven’t you ever played our games?  Here’s our shooting range.  I’ll never get over how realistic those targets are, heh.  And the way they scream and bleed, awesome huh? 

Hey are you hungry?  Great, let’s get some food at the “Eat Nigga Cage’”.  You know we here at HGC recently discovered black culture could be a great source for games, like in our latest huge hit “Play as a Black Guy”.  Yeah, we find that the suburban white kids really eat that shit up.  You know, I don’t know where all the black employees are, probably out back drinking 40’s and shooting each other, amiright?  Hey relax; we’re not the NAACP thought Nazis here. Speaking of 40’s, feel free to drink while you’re working here, we’re pretty relaxed.  Want some pot?  Alright, I know a guy, that’s all I’m saying, if you change your mind go on down to human resources.  Let’s get something to eat, hey Mandy, come over here.  Yeah, our new dude wants to eat, just lie down here.  What’s that?  Oh no, she doesn’t mind, right slut?  Ok ok, no one’s going to force you to eat off of her breasts.  Just letting you know, she’s here for you for that and more, if you want.  I know, it took some getting used to for me when I first started her, but in a couple of days you’ll be totally comfortable with it.

Alright, “Mr. All-business”, let’s take a look at some games.  I’ll just bring up the database on my laptop here.  Whoops, porn!  Sorry about that, but we’re really pretty relaxed about all that stuff.  No, of course she’s not really dead, it’s just a photoshop.  As you know, HGC is known for making edgy games and pushing the boundaries of gaming.  Yeah, well lately we’ve been expanding a lot, buying a lot of companies, you know.  Alright, I’m going to warn you about the titles, a lot of them are just for testing, they haven’t been through our sales department yet.  Here’s one that we inherited from “Fantasy Associated Games Inc” when we took them over.  It’s called “Heroic Protagonist and the Quest for the Magical Object”.  Right now the team is working on giving the Orcs realistically moving breasts, which is one of our specialties.  Alright, not your kind of thing, I totally understand.

Hey, do you like sports?  Nah, neither do I, but hey someone’s got to head the sports department, you know?  Even if your not a fan of football games, you’ll be able to appreciate what we’re doing with our latest sports title, it’s going to revolutionize the field.  No, it’s a lot like the last one we made, but this thing is this one’s called “NFL 2005, first half”.  That way we can make 2 every year.  It’s double the profit.  I know, sometimes I can’t believe it either, we work for a great company, huh dude?  But I’m not going to bore you with football talk.  It says here that you’re a fan of the RPGs, right?  Well you’ll be interested to know that we just took over “Creative Gaming Corporation”.  Yeah, we did scrap most of their existing projects, but we have most of our people working on “400 hours of cut-scenes and leveling-up”.  Yes, very epic, it’s been clearly shown that people like longer games.  I mean, it’s not like any of these losers have a life or anything.  No, no, just the opposite, we have nothing but respect for our cattle, I mean consumers.  Hey, I totally understand.  You didn’t come here to work on some other company’s shitty games.  You’re working for HGC now; let’s go over some of our games.

I understand where you’re coming from, but I think it would be better if you worked on some of our existing projects before we really set you loose.  Yeah, I’ll bet they told you that, those sly dogs.  Hey, you loved “Shoot that Shit”, right?  Sure you did, everybody did.  Well how would you feel about working on “Shoot that Shit 4”?  Well, it’s a lot like the first 3, but this one takes place in another country.  I know, it’s so revolutionary.  And you play as a chink!  That should shock them into buying another couple million copies.  Hey, it’s ok if you don’t want to work on some sequel, but let me just run down some names, see if any of them catch your ear.  Ok, let’s see, we’ve got “Play as a Black Guy 2: Back to the Ghetto”, “Rapist: Unleashed”, and of course “Shoot that Shit 3.5” which is going to come out before “Shoot that Shit 4”, of course.  Yeah, well it is a lot like the third one, but we’ve added nudity and some more blood.  I don’t know how we fit more blood in, but we did.  We have some very talented people working here.  Also, it’s not really a sequal, but it’s by the same team who worked on “Rapist”, which as you know was out edgiest game yet.  I’m sure they’ll let you work on the “Arsonist” project if you’d like.  Yeah, it’s just as well that way; they’re a pretty close-knit group.  Well, who wants to work on some other guy’s game, you’re here to make a name for yourself.  Take a look at some of the originals we have coming out. 

Something we’re very excited about here is our first first person shooter, which is coming out in the 3^rd quarter of next year.  Tentatively it’s about a sexy female space marine on post-apocalyptic mars, trying to stop Nazis from reviving cyber demons.  Not to ruin too much of the plot, but this is going to be the first FPS where you can steal cars.  Your right, it’s not exactly new, but I promise there will be an edgy amount of violence.  And the main character is a lesbo, so we’re hoping to do something with that.  Also, there’s a physics gun.  Ok, still not interested, huh?  Hmm, well we’ve also optioned Chuck Palahniuk’s new book, Haunted, for a game.  Right, you want something original. We are working on some really revolutionary titles right now that’ll totally change gaming, but they’re really more of ideas then games right now.  Ah, I like that look, your interested in that huh?  Of course, who wouldn’t want to totally change the world? 

Ok, we were thinking of a game where you play as either a child who kills people or a person who kills children, how about that?  Mmmhmm, well don’t worry we’ll find something for you.  Here’s one where you play a crazy person who dismembers cute animals while they beg for mercy.  Ooh, I’d be honored to work on this one, but they might just let you, it’s called “Gang Leader”, you get to start your own violent inner city gang and kill all sorts of niggers and rape bitches and sell rock.  Or how about “Nazi”, which is a really great concentration camp sim.  Wait, I think I found the perfect project for you!  It’s called “Satan”, you get to play as the devil himself and torture people physically and sexually, and even wage war on God and kill him if you want. What noise? Oh that, sounds like we had another “freak out” over in development.  Don’t worry about him, they’re just taking him to the relaxation center.  Where were we?  Hey come on now, we can totally work something out.  Don’t give up so easily.  I know, it’s a lot to take in in one day.  Here, let me show you your office, and when we’re done there you can go home for the day and come back in and we can talk tomorrow.  Yeah, that’s right your own office.

It’s nice in here isn’t it?  Here sit down.  Yeah, I know it’s a comfortable chair.  Oh those?  They’re wrist massagers, not restraints.  Hey don’t scream.  Here, let me give you something to relax.  Listen, if you keep moving your head around like that I can just inject this right into your eye.  It’s just going to relax you a little, ok?  There we go…..

Yeah, just throw the body on top of that pile.  Uh huh, we’ll throw him into the grinder in about an hour.  Ok guys, lets go revolutionize video games.